They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
