Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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