Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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