If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
