He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
