This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
