She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
