All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
