Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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