THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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