i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
