margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
