I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
