so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
