You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
