So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
