I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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