some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
