Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
