my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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