Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dont even know how to be here
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
