Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
