I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
