hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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