i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
