I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
