dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
