It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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