Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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