I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
