windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
