taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
