I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
