Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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