Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
