She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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