we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
