I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
