Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
