so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
