so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
