So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
