no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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