Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
