Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
