I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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