Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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