I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
