I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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