he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
