No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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