I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
