this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
And then he peed in my hair
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