How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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